Monday, June 29, 2009

Dancing in My Heart, Sigh

Dance, Definition One: To move one's feet or body, or both, rhythmically in a pattern of steps, esp. to the accompaniment of music

Dance, Definition Two: Hayley's biggest fear

Okay, probably not the biggest, but its definitely up there. The thought of having to do it makes my eyes bulge and I have avoided it as best as I could my entire life. I love dance- I respect it and admire it and truly wish that I was good at it. Believe me, I own both of the box sets of the Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers movies and you don't watch those for the plot, you watch them for the dancing-

And I have a mad no-longer-living-actor crush on the amazing Gene Kelly-

I constantly have some tune or another on my mind and find myself head bobbing and foot tapping and I am an avid player of drums on my steering wheel and feel inclined to dance often. When it comes to having to do it while other people could potentially see me, however, it's not happening. The minute I feel like someone might see me or I get asked to join in on dancing, whatever rhythm I may somewhere posses, 'vanishes like a fart in the wind.' (Excuse the crassness, but it is a quote from an Academy award nominated movie, after all, which would have won if not for Forrest Gump coming out the same year. But I digress ... ;) Though dancing is something that I cannot (and will not) do, I love watching it. I love going to recitals and ballets and I LOVE the show So You Think You Can Dance. It is seriously ridiculous how talented these kids are. (Yes, I feel old enough now to refer to them as 'kids.' Sad.)

I will be coming back to SYTYCD later, but as for me, I think I had better just let the wonderful Jane Monheit and Michael Buble' take the floor and explain how I feel-

Friday, June 26, 2009

Smell the Roses, Laugh at Poop

Yep, poop. Poop is funny. Don't get me wrong, I am just like most girls and don't want any males in my company to be aware of anything I may do that may be related to the P word. (Don't worry boys, I don't actually do anything related to the P word ever. No women do, and we just naturally smell like fruit and flowers all of the time). That being said, poop really is just funny. The reason this even came up for me is from browsing through old 30 Rock episodes. Tina Fey seems to particularly think that poop jokes are amusing and if it's good enough for Tina, it's good enough for me. Some amusing quote examples:

'You've already made up your mind about this, haven't you?'
'Oh, you're right, Liz! I should go for it!'
'You're not even listening, are you? Poop. Monkey butt.'
'No, you're a good friend and thank you.'
-30 Rock Season One, Black Tie

'It's poop again!'
'He called the sh-- poop!'
- Billy Madison

'You wrote "poop." This must be a proud moment for you, Mr. Brando.'
- Will Ferrel as Alex Trebek on SNL (scroll to 6:10)

Looking at son's hand, 'Is this chocolate or poop?' Licks hand to check. 'Chocolate.'
'What if that had been poop!?!'
- Baby Mama (scroll to 1:20)

Anything starting out as a compliment and ending with ... 'for me to poop on!'
-Triumph the Insult Comic Dog

'Sometimes, it's kind of hard to stop having fun and take the time to go to the bathroom and use the potty. Yep. The potty. Everybody and every creature has to poop sometime. Birds, bunnies, bugs, even fish too!'
- Bear in the Big Blue House

'Remember: Candy is dandy, but fruit helps you poop.'
- Kim Possible

Here is a funny site that when you type in a word it inserts that word into popular movie quotes. Try it with poop:

I don't know who said this next quote, but I totally agree with it:

The only true way to prove that you have lost your inner child is if you don't laugh when you hear the word poop.

The word poop should at the very least bring out an appreciative grin and eye roll. It doesn't even need to be in the middle of a phrase or a joke to be funny. Poop, poop, poop. See? If you still don't at least have an I-can't-believe-this-is-a-whole-blog-post-dedicated-to-something-as-vulgar-as-poop smirk on your face, then you need to go out and run in the sprinklers or build a sand castle or ride a bike with a basket and a bell on it, because your soul is withering my friend.

If you just have no idea what I am talking about at all, well, good luck to you. If you are a person who can laugh at poop then I think that it is a safe bet that you are the kind of person who can laugh at the trivial things and not take life too seriously, and that makes day-to-day a lot more enjoyable, I tell you what. For those of you that feel appalled and violated, you will notice that I have at least spared you from posting any visual examples. I had a really good one too. Mom, please don't be ashamed of me for this post- I know you are one of the smirkers who wants to chuckle but feels like they shouldn't ;)


Thursday, June 25, 2009

80's Toy-Based Movie Concepts

I am in love with this list from Entertainment Weekly. Particularly the Taglines and the Dream Casts. Haha!

There are, of course, a few they have left out. As I said in my previous blog I would like to see a Thundercats movie. (Does it count as a movie based off a toy if the toy was based off a cartoon? They have Strawberry Shortcake and Care Bears on their list, so I guess so) We already had a Masters of the Universe movie (with a young Courtney Cox) though I wouldn't be opposed to a remake. I would also very much like to see a live-action Teddy Ruxpin movie- you better believe I had the talking Teddy and Grubby toys. ;)

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

A Geek Am I

Pretty much I'm a big geek. I blame it all on the brilliant abundance of cartoons that I grew up with in the early 80s. Partly because now all of those cartoons are being made into live action movies and I already know the characters and feel sentimental about them, and partly because even though in the early 80s girls were starting to emerge as a bit more than just the traditional damsel in distress roles, the boys still got to fight the best battles and be the most brave, so I grew up a MAJOR tomboy. I loved the new Star Trek movie and I'm excited for the G. I. Joe movie coming out except that its Stephen Sommers who directed the first two Mummy movies and Van Helsing which were fun, but cartoony where I would have liked to see G. I. Joe taken a little more seriously like with the new Batman movies...

...oh, and I love comic book movies, although, don't even get me started on the discrepancies in characters and time lines in the new Wolverine movie or the disastrous plot changes to the Phoenix storyline in X-Men: The Last Stand .... whoa. See. Geek. I have all of the movies that I want to see on my Facebook calendar- I wish I could find an app. to stick that calendar on my blog... Basically what I'm trying to say is that I'm excited for the Transformers sequel that came out today, okay? Anybody want to go to it with me? Also, I hope that my future children that are girls are cool with action figures, cause I do NOT relate to Barbie. Wait, is there a Pirate Barbie? How about a Ninja Barbie? Hmmm.

All we need now is a movie like this awesome fan made trailer ;)

Monday, June 22, 2009


Well, my Dad is LDS Mission President in Durban, South Africa. He and my Mom and my two youngest brothers have been there for two years and have one year left. With my brother's wedding though, my Mom got to come home for a few days this past week for the festivities. Did I mention, yay! I love my Mom. I know, everyone loves their mother. Even people who say they hate their mothers love their mothers. (What movie?)

Don't worry, she's not giving you the stink eye, that's just the way her face looks. ;) Poor woman had a detached retina a few years ago and is lucky to be able to see out of her bum eye. Don't pay the extra to take her to a 3-D movie, cause she has no depth perception! Sad story. Anyways, typical us, with all of the business of showers and get-togethers and what not of wedding week, one thing that we made sure to have squared away was where we would be dining each day she is here. We are an eating people. There are restaurants that she has been missing and craving that are on the top of the To Do list for the week: P.F. Changs, Macaroni Grill... her favorite, that we had to throw in twice, was Costa Vida. Mama needed her some sweet pork.

Torry and her two kids, Eva (4) and Brody (1 1/2) came into town from Texas and it was sooooo good to have them! They just moved this past January and I used to spend a lot of time with them, so it was hard when they left. In the pic above we are on the steps of the Temple with our friends Beus and Draper who knew my folks in California before they were married and are basically our non-blood-related aunt and uncle. I used to visit them in SoCal almost every summer until a little over a year ago when they had 'one too many hits from the snake' and moved to ... wait for it ... South Dakota. Your guess is as good as mine. Ah well, love them anyway.

Isn't Logan going to be such a cute dad? Congratulations Logan and Sara, and happy birthday Log, as well! 25 on the 22nd.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

The Brothers Bloom

I actually first saw a preview for this movie about a year ago and have been waiting for it. It was supposed to come out in November, and then in January, and it kept getting pushed back for some reason. It finally came out two weeks ago but is only playing (here, at least) at the artsy Broadway Center Theatre downtown. If you haven't heard of it you can check out the trailer here. I loved it. I'd see it again. It's a screwball comedy conman movie and the script is so great with a creative plot and sharp dialogue. Really, until the last five minutes of the film, its hard to be sure what aspects of the story are part of a con and what is real. The characters are unique and lovable and it stars Rachel Weisz, Adrien Brody and Mark Ruffalo, who are all brilliant. It is also extremely funny- full of quirky, clever and sometimes very random humor. There is so much attention to detail with each scene and each character. It was filmed on beautiful sets and in beautiful locations (Berlin, Montenegro, Greece, Prague, St. Petersburg...) that give it a very classic movie feel though it is a contemporary story. The wonderfully eccentric apparel plays to this as well, with things like capes and bowler hats...

...and my oh my, am I ever a sucker for a man in a vest.

Also, I don't know what it is about Adrien Brody, big schnoz and all. He just has such a great build and looks good in anything. I envy the costume designers who get to dress him ;) I remember thinking the same thing when I saw King Kong, so maybe he just looks great in old-fashioned styles of clothing. (He's in the picture below on the left- Mmmm, don't mind if I do.)

There's no such thing as an unwritten life, just a badly-written one.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Harper's Island

I like dark and twisty things and I enjoy trying to figure out what's is happening in a story, like with LOST. There is this show Harper's Island that has been on CBS since the beginning of April. Its basically a thirteen episode murder mystery miniseries of one hour episodes each week- it isn't something they ever planned to have as a returning series next year, particularly since one or two people get killed off each episode ;)
Basic Premise: At first it is just a big group of people who gather at Harper's Island, a sleepy little fishing town, for a wedding. The twist is that Abbie, childhood best friend of the groom Henry, has not been home to the island for seven years. Seven years ago a serial killer names Wakefield went on a rampage on the island and Abbie's mother was one of the people he murdered and after that her father, the Sheriff, sent her to live in LA. The first few episodes as people were dying nobody really knew what was going on and thought people were just leaving or off messing around or what not. (This entire series is just a matter of a few days). They have done a really good job of sort of making everyone suspicious, and they have also done a good job of making it clear who the side characters are (as in, will be likely to die and have in fact been dying) and the main characters are (the heroes who will survive til the end or else end up the villain after all). There are four episodes left to go and you can watch all of the episodes online. (The episodes all have fun names like, Whap, Bang, Sploosh ;) The show, as TV murder mysteries typically tend to be, is a little bit, what's the word my Mom would use... campy.
Camp: Banality, vulgarity, or artificiality when deliberately affected or when appreciated for its humor: 'Camp is popularity plus vulgarity plus innocence' -Indra Jahalani; adj. Having deliberately artificial, vulgar, banal, or affectedly humorous qualities or style: played up the silliness of their roles for camp effect.
This is a good thing. Blood and gore mysteries are, to a degree, cheesy by default, so they have to have a sense of humor about themselves and be done in a campy way to work. Unlike some awful 60's B Movie (which can be entertaining to watch for their pure awfulness) the beauty of Harper's is it's campiness and that it plays up it's elaborate, over-the-top blood and gore story. It's not a story like Silence of the Lambs which is terrifying because it is feels like it could really happen- it's too pleasantly outrageous to actually make you feel nervous in real life. Despite this, it really does still have some horrific and tense moments. Modern horror stories don't really get to me and I usually find them more amusing and unoriginal than anything. I will admit though, in the last couple of episodes, now that the cast that is still alive has caught on that there is a crazed killer loose and they are fighting for their lives and trying to solve the mystery, there have been some pretty creepy, intense moments. This may not be a show for say, certain Doxey's or Bear's I know, who get easily spooked. Despite its hokey instances, it has been very entertaining. Anyway, if you find yourself with time on your hands and feel like unravelling a fun and spooky mystery, check it out. With only four episodes left I have several theories, but since I only know one other person who watches the show, I'm not going to post them here- though I may do a follow up when it gets closer to the end.

PS, sorry for two blogs in a row about TV shows- this will probably usually only be the case with LOST ;)

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Pushing Daisies is, Alas, Pushing Up Daisies

If you don't know the show, here's the basic plot:

The main character is Ned. Ned owns a owns a pie shop called The Pie Hole. For some reason Ned has the ability to touch a dead person and bring them back to life, but if he doesn’t touch the person a second time within sixty seconds, another person will die in their place. That person could be anyone within the vicinity. ('Death' seems to try to be somewhat fair, however, because if Ned brought a bird back to live, per se, and didn't touch it again within a minute,then something a similar size like a squirrel would die in its place, not a human). This has caused Ned to leave a fairly sheltered life, wary of touch. A PI happens to see him accidentally bring someone back to life one day, and they begin a partnership where Ned touches murder victims to find out who killed them and then touches them again (= dead again) and they collect the reward money. They stumble onto a case where he has to bring back his childhood sweetheart, Chuck (Charlotte), and he can't bear to touch her again and let her go (so someone dies in her place). So, Ned and Chuck are in love, but they can't touch at all or else Chuck will be dead again, forever. Despite the tragic romance of it all, there are crazy side characters in every episode and hilarity ensues.

Pushing Daisies had only two short, beautiful seasons. The first season was the year of the writer's strike, so it didn't return in the Spring after the strike was over. This was the case for other first season series' as well, and it did not bode well for most of them. Daisies quickly gathered an adoring cult following and was picked up for a second season, but only a 13 episode one and then not picked up for a third. Who knows all of the reasons, one of them is that the show is particularly expensive to make and with the way things are, (blah blah blah, economy, blah blah blah), the network wasn't willing to take the risk for a show that hadn't been on long enough to gain big viewing numbers. Obnoxiously, the last three episodes of the second season weren't even aired during the normal season time, and have just barely been on these past three weeks (Saturday nights at 9pm, ugh). On the one hand it is very nice to have Daisies back, if only briefly, but on the other, it just reminds me how much I adore and miss it.

It's a little bit Big Fish, a little bit Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, a little bit Tim Burtonesque and a lot bit charming and quirky wonderfulness. It is sweet and romantic and funnily morbid and it is oh so colorful and original and so well acted, and Miss Charlotte Charles, aka Chuck, I would die for your wardrobe. It's almost even more fun to watch the episodes a second time because the narrative is so funny and witty and clever that you are bound to pick up on something you missed the first time around. Examples:

The Great Hermann: (to Ned) Hello! Excuse me, excuse me. I feel I should hug you. Can I give you a big hug? I'm already hugging you, and there's nothing you can do about it.
Olive: I want a hug!
The Great Hermann: I'm not made of hugs.

Olive: Can I ask you a question? If you loved me....
Alfredo: Yes?
Olive: And we could never, ever, ever touch. Wouldn't you eventually get over it and move on letting someone else have the slightest hope that you might move on to them?
Alfredo: If I loved you?
Olive: Yeah.
Alfredo: Then I would love you in any way I could. And if we could not touch, then I would draw strength from your beauty. And if I went blind, then I would fill my soul with the sound of your voice and the contents of your thoughts until the last spark of my love for you lit the shabby darkness of my dying mind.
Olive: Eh, forget it.

Olive: No, no. Five fingers. Five toes. Us Snooks are boring that way. I had a cousin with a third nipple. He'd let you see it for a dollar.
Vivian: How fascinating.
Lily: And a bargain, too.

Olive: Here comes the center of the universe, pulling us all into her gravitational orbit of blame.
Chuck: Oh, well, FYI, um, there is no center of the universe because our universe is forever expanding.
Olive: Like your neediness. "Wah, respect my feelings. Wah, don't fence me in. Wah, don't treat me like I'm dead." Well, if you're so dead, how can you be needy? Oh right... you're selfish!

Ned: You're the only one for me.
Chuck: I know you feel that now, but there are things you want, there's things we both want.
Ned: So? Everyone wants stuff. We wake up everyday with a list of wishes a mile long and maybe we spend our lives trying to make those wishes come true, but just because we want them doesn't mean we need them to be happy.
Chuck: What do you need to be happy?
Ned: You.

Whimsical, that's what it is. Like a storybook brought to life. It even has a British narrator, Mr. Jim Dale who so perfectly created the world and characters of Harry Potter on audio book. Sigh. Daisies I love you. Daisies, my missing you is as bittersweet as your main characters' love story. Daisies, you will be remembered fondly. Particularly since I can re-watch you whenever I want since I own Season One on DVD and have already pre-ordered Season Two which comes out this July ;) Though you didn't quite have time to give us the ultimate closure I would have liked, I'm going to go ahead and believe you got your happily ever after.

Chuck: I can’t even hug you? What if you need a hug? A hug can turn your day around.
Ned: I’m not a big fan of the hug.
Chuck: Then you haven’t been hugged properly. It’s like an emotional Heimlich. Someone puts their arms around you and they give you a squeeze and all your fear and anxiety come shooting out of your mouth in a big wet wad and you can breath again.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Dog Lady

So my brother Logan is getting married next week. My younger brother Logan. Being unmarried isn't something weighing on my mind and depressing me day in and day out or anything, but as a 27 year old single woman (but only since like six weeks ago you guys ;) of course I have thought about the possibility that I may end up, errrr, hmmm, alone just sounds so depressing, so we'll go with still single. (Or as TAMN would say, a perma-spinst). If this happens I will NOT be a cat lady. I will be a dog lady. I am not particularly fond of cats, but I have always loved dogs. I still have a book that I got when I was maybe ten, sort of like this one, and at least half of the pages still have sticky markers in them for all of the dogs that I seriously planned on eventually owning. I'm a believer in dreaming big. I was going to be a dog breeder and I was going to own acres of beautiful open space where my dogs could frolic freely and we would be so happy:


I think that this is still a perfectly respectable goal. If you have never had a dog and don't understand the appeal, just go to the Pixar movie Up! and fall in love with Doug the dog. Doug already loves you. If for some reason having dogs in my still single latter years doesn't work out for me, I would also settle for the company of Rajah the tiger.

Okay, so technically he is of the cat family (alright, and the fictional, animated family, if you insist on being picky), but tigers and lions and leopards and such are loads better than house cats in the Awesome Animals To Own category. Yes, that IS a real category. He is cuddly and comforting and protective, and, come on, every little girl (and maybe little boy?) who saw Aladdin wanted to take Rajah home. Oh, and in this fantasy scenario with Rajah I would also like to look like Jasmine, please.

What the...!?!... Ah, crap. Well, my dogs will still love me.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

'One Person's Craziness is Another Person's Reality' - Tim Burton

A Tim Burton exhibit is going to open at the prestigious Modern Art Museum in New York City. No, really, it’s true. Tim Burton next to the likes of Picasso and Monet. I am planning on going to the Big Apple for a few days in October and I am bummed I am going to miss this- it doesn’t open until November and I am sure that the display will be an odd combination of classy and kooky and definitely worth seeing.

It would be curious to see images like this:

Next to images like this:

Although, in the dementia of some of Burton’s art there is a certain symmetry with a beloved one-eared painter:

I am also excited about this: Burton directing a live action movie of Alice in Wonderland. Much as I cringe at putting the words hate and Disney in the same sentence, I sort of hate the Disney cartoon version of this story. Burton’s way of putting the heart and humor into tales that are dark and, well, weird, will be perfect for it though. He is so perfect for this movie that I am almost surprised that he hasn’t already done it.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Musical Artists I Love - Maria Callas

I have been very into opera and classical music lately and I am madly in love with Maria Callas. She doesn’t have the sweet, perfect tone of Kathleen Battle or the technicality of Fleming or von Stade, but when she sings… I believe her. I don’t speak French or Italian or any other romantic, operatic languages, but I understand her anyway. Her voice is extremely unique and I wouldn't call it traditionally beautiful, but she sings with such passion and conviction and when I am feeling mellow or reflective or whimsical, she sets the perfect mood.

She makes me want to fall in love in Paris in the fifties wearing a Grace Kelly gown.

She makes me want to don an Audrey Hepburn head scarf and sunglasses and ride a Vespa through Rome in the rain.

She makes me want Cary Grant to call me ‘dummy’ and ‘darling’ in the same sentence as he pulls me into his arms and my knees buckle.

Alright, so I always want those things, but when I think of them Maria Callas is the soundtrack in my mind. You may have no taste for opera, which is perfectly alright… I suppose... ;P ... but if you listen to at least the last two minutes of the song below, then maybe you will understand a bit of what I mean about Maria’s singing.

'Un Bel Di Vedremo' from Puccini's Madame Butterfly

The First

Okay, so, she’s a Blogger.

(If anyone can name the movie quote that the above phrase is a variation of, we are bff forever. Yep, double forever. Big hint: The last word of the actual line rhymes with blog)

(PS, now that I am blogging I feel like I have to use terms like bff and lol and actually maybe almost mean it)