Insomnia: . . .

A) Persistent difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep despite the opportunity
B) Followed by functional impairment while awake
C) Why oh why did it have to get me? Why, oh why, oh why...

Okay, so here's the thing. I am a bad sleeper and always have been. Partly I'm just a really light and restless sleeper and so I wake up several times each night at least to just roll over. Even when I'm completely exhausted though, (which these days is usually around 10:30PM- hey man, I get up early, okay?!) it always takes me, at the very least, half an hour to fall asleep. I just can't seem to relax and shut off my mind no matter what I try. Power naps are out of the question. I won't have fallen asleep by the time I am supposed to be finished, and if I do have long enough to fall asleep I will wake up groggy, not refreshed. So, this is my day to day plight of partial insomnia.

I don't know what is wrong with me this week though. Two nights ago I only slept for an hour and last night I literally did not sleep at all. I wasn't doing anything important either evening, and there is nothing any more stressful than usual going on in my life right now (unless I have a 6th sense I don't know about? Oooh...). Okay, yeah, what you just read in the parenthesis there? Yeah, that is pretty much what my morning has been like. I don't feel like I am about to fall asleep or anything, but I definitely have the Stupids. Oh yes. The Stupids. This is what happens to me, and really to a lot of girls, I think. I've seen something similar happens to boys on occasion, but I think it only happens when they are around girls with the Stupids and a bit of it rubs off, so if wouldn't be accurate to say that boys, in fact, get the Stupids. They just get the Dumb By Proxy's from being around Stupid infected women. Though, the thought did just cross my mind that maybe I am in denial and I am actually the only one who gets the Stupids and everyone else just gets the Dumb By Proxy's from me. No, no, no. I can think of occasions (I believe Doxey and Briggs and Brooks women have been involved) where I was definitely not the first offender. The Stupids are nothing if not infectious.

Sigh. You see, this is part of the Stupids. Me rambling even more than I usually do (yes, apparently it is possible). The surest sign of the Stupids, however, is inappropriate and/or uncalled for laughter which can escalate into hysteria. This morning, for instance, I find myself cracking up over the silliest of things. If you are in the good company of other Stupids and you know you will be able to sleep soon, this is actually a very enjoyable state to be in. It's when your mind is just so exhausted that it has to find humor in everything to survive. Ah, such is life. After the Stupids finally subside, when your body and brain are just too weary to laugh anymore, comes Mellow Yellow. Kind of sad and feeling weak and it just gets fuzzy and difficult to think. Hopefully after this you get some sleep or else, for me at least, it will inevitably morph into the yes-my-eyes-are-glazed-over-but-if-you-so-much-as-look-at-me-the-wrong-way-I-WILL-go-Kung Fu-on-you. If I don't get to sleep after this, well, there IS the possibility of a fury enticed second wind coming (though if I have reached this point I am usually on my third or fourth wind.)

I am currently still in the Stupids, but I am feeling like Mellow Yellow may not be far away.

The Stupids Exhibit A:

Karen at work was reassuring me that I would be getting sleepy any time now, because it isn't normal for someone to be up as long as I have and not crash. I told her I didn't feel like I would and the instant she replied, 'yes you will,' or something to that effect, my mind automatically thought, maybe I am turning super human and don't need as much sleep as the rest of you anymore. Certainly it wasn't an actual, serious thought, but still. First thing to pop into my head people.

The Stupids Exhibit B:

I was telling Paige at work not to worry if I zonked out right here on the desk, and the word zonked made me think of 'Zoinks!' like Shaggy would always say in Scooby Doo, and then I had to do a Google search for Memorable Scooby Doo Quotes right away so that I could remember what it was that Velma used to always say (It's 'Jinkies') and I giggled my half-functioning little head off. The quote that fueled the Stupids most effectively was:

Fred- The girls and I will go this way, Shaggy, you and Scooby check out the basement.

Even now I am still lightheadedly chuckling a bit over that one. I'm also sort of wondering if, once I finally get some sleep, please bless soon, I will reread this post and be horrified and retract it, or at least parts of it. My forearms are starting to shake a little bit now while I am typing. Is that bad? Oh, hahahaha! Now I am thinking of the 1st Austin Powers when Dr. Evil keeps trying to kill the Will Ferrell character but he just won't die and they are trying to carry on with their meeting and he keeps yelling up the hole and interrupting him and saying things like:

Someone help me. I'm still alive only I'm very badly burned!

Hello out there. Anyone? Can someone call an ambulance, I'm in quite a lot of pain.

Oh, good, you found me. I'm very badly burned, so if you could just- You shot me! You shot me right in the arm!

And then in the 2nd Powers movie he is back and it all happens again and he's like:

I seem to have fallen down a cliff. I'm still alive and I'm very badly injured.

I think my legs might be broken but I'll try to stand up. Yes. They are broken.

The wound is beginning to smell a little like almonds. Which is not good.

Hahaha. Crap. I'm starting to feel like the Sicilian in The Princess Bride. I will be cackling away as happy as a clam (don't think I have ever used that phrase before) and out of nowhere I will keel over. Oh my ...